Aw Damn

Apr. 15th, 2010 08:23 am
jesseszen: (Default)
[personal profile] jesseszen
Expectations.  Wow, I guess it's been some serious time since I've last posted here, or it feels like it.  So anyway, on this Tax Day, following close on the heels of a real downer day yesterday I'm feeling a little disappointed.  The sun is shining it's true and I've got a job to go to so that's cool.  I'm just blah today.  Have been reading and commenting on the agegap community.  But, damn, no pun intended - that gets old.  I know birthdays can be a big deal for some people, gifts and cakes and all but people getting all opinionated over birthdays seems kind of idk, just out of place. 

And yeah, I sorta remember the Anna Nicole thing and how the whole world thought that she was using that older boyfriend for his money - but I mean, they're both dead now.  I tell people that even though there's an agegap in a couple there's no guarantee that the older partner will die first.  It's just that kind of world.  And poor Anna Nicole didn't get to be very old herself.  I wouldn't want to get into any endless debates but maybe they actually did like each other.  Probably that would appear to be a naive comment to some.  That's just me alright.  Childish Ki at whatever age.

Well, I wonder why I have to be always weighed down by these high school emotions?  Am I overemo?  Sometimes.  Disappointed?  Yeah, now a little.  I like being part of a couple and having somebody profess feelings for me.  It probably sounds harsh to say I don't want to be a parent to my partner.  Both of my kids came neck in neck to me in maturity a while back.  Maybe that says something negative about me as much as positive about them but that's just the way of reality.  One of the people I loved most in the world, my Uncle Walter G. was forever a big kid.  We just are what we are.  If we don't live up to expectations, if we miss the mark, if we don't quite get things right - we still need a magnified sun of love, and need it daily.  I'm probably a selfish lout and not worth the effort and Lord knows, old enough that I ought to be benched and not still in the game fighting for the ball, but that doesn't mean I don't want affection by the dump truck load, and affirmations over a loudspeaker and messages on the scoreboard.  I'm never going to grow up.  I know that now.  It doesn't mean I'm bad, just means I'm me.  It's just the way I've learned to deal with the nipped off childhood I had.

Won't explain.  That's just what it is.
From:
Anonymous( )Anonymous This account has disabled anonymous posting.
OpenID( )OpenID You can comment on this post while signed in with an account from many other sites, once you have confirmed your email address. Sign in using OpenID.
User
Account name:
Password:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
Subject:
HTML doesn't work in the subject.

Message:

 
Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.

February 2014

S M T W T F S
      1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
232425262728 

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 26th, 2017 12:52 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios