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Expectations. Wow, I guess it's been some serious time since I've last posted here, or it feels like it. So anyway, on this Tax Day, following close on the heels of a real downer day yesterday I'm feeling a little disappointed. The sun is shining it's true and I've got a job to go to so that's cool. I'm just blah today. Have been reading and commenting on the agegap community. But, damn, no pun intended - that gets old. I know birthdays can be a big deal for some people, gifts and cakes and all but people getting all opinionated over birthdays seems kind of idk, just out of place.
And yeah, I sorta remember the Anna Nicole thing and how the whole world thought that she was using that older boyfriend for his money - but I mean, they're both dead now. I tell people that even though there's an agegap in a couple there's no guarantee that the older partner will die first. It's just that kind of world. And poor Anna Nicole didn't get to be very old herself. I wouldn't want to get into any endless debates but maybe they actually did like each other. Probably that would appear to be a naive comment to some. That's just me alright. Childish Ki at whatever age.
Well, I wonder why I have to be always weighed down by these high school emotions? Am I overemo? Sometimes. Disappointed? Yeah, now a little. I like being part of a couple and having somebody profess feelings for me. It probably sounds harsh to say I don't want to be a parent to my partner. Both of my kids came neck in neck to me in maturity a while back. Maybe that says something negative about me as much as positive about them but that's just the way of reality. One of the people I loved most in the world, my Uncle Walter G. was forever a big kid. We just are what we are. If we don't live up to expectations, if we miss the mark, if we don't quite get things right - we still need a magnified sun of love, and need it daily. I'm probably a selfish lout and not worth the effort and Lord knows, old enough that I ought to be benched and not still in the game fighting for the ball, but that doesn't mean I don't want affection by the dump truck load, and affirmations over a loudspeaker and messages on the scoreboard. I'm never going to grow up. I know that now. It doesn't mean I'm bad, just means I'm me. It's just the way I've learned to deal with the nipped off childhood I had.
Won't explain. That's just what it is.
And yeah, I sorta remember the Anna Nicole thing and how the whole world thought that she was using that older boyfriend for his money - but I mean, they're both dead now. I tell people that even though there's an agegap in a couple there's no guarantee that the older partner will die first. It's just that kind of world. And poor Anna Nicole didn't get to be very old herself. I wouldn't want to get into any endless debates but maybe they actually did like each other. Probably that would appear to be a naive comment to some. That's just me alright. Childish Ki at whatever age.
Well, I wonder why I have to be always weighed down by these high school emotions? Am I overemo? Sometimes. Disappointed? Yeah, now a little. I like being part of a couple and having somebody profess feelings for me. It probably sounds harsh to say I don't want to be a parent to my partner. Both of my kids came neck in neck to me in maturity a while back. Maybe that says something negative about me as much as positive about them but that's just the way of reality. One of the people I loved most in the world, my Uncle Walter G. was forever a big kid. We just are what we are. If we don't live up to expectations, if we miss the mark, if we don't quite get things right - we still need a magnified sun of love, and need it daily. I'm probably a selfish lout and not worth the effort and Lord knows, old enough that I ought to be benched and not still in the game fighting for the ball, but that doesn't mean I don't want affection by the dump truck load, and affirmations over a loudspeaker and messages on the scoreboard. I'm never going to grow up. I know that now. It doesn't mean I'm bad, just means I'm me. It's just the way I've learned to deal with the nipped off childhood I had.
Won't explain. That's just what it is.